


Hard to Be Soft, Tough to Be Tender

by why_didnt_i_get_any_soup



Category: Twin Peaks
Genre: But then that's the whole show..., Canonical Character Death, F/F, Femslash February, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Infidelity, M/M, Minor Dale Cooper/Harry Truman (Twin Peaks), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-10-30 10:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17826752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/why_didnt_i_get_any_soup/pseuds/why_didnt_i_get_any_soup
Summary: What if Laura's secret lover wasn't James Hurley but was, in fact, Audrey Horne?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This scenario just makes so much sense to me. And it makes sense why Audrey would latch onto Coop--she thinks somehow, without knowing about all the magic in the world, that Coop can help bring Laura back.  
> Oh, also some of the dialogue here is pretty much lifted from Fire Walk With Me and some is modified. However, to go old school, I will say that I am absolutely not making any money from this transformative fanwork.

Twin Peaks was too small a town not to hear about big news, even from places as far away as Portland, Oregon. The murder of Teresa Banks had gotten the town just a little in panic, instating a curfew for residents not to be out after 9 pm. The local diner, the RR, didn’t really like that since they were an all-night diner and now they were being forced to close at night because the employees couldn’t come to work. Other less... _prestigious_ establishments weren’t so concerned about things like legality.

Audrey Horne, daughter of Ben Horne, was never one to care about that sort of thing either. If she wanted to be out late, she was going to be out late. And so was Laura Palmer, who couldn’t be contained. And even if Audrey didn’t approve of everything Laura did, Laura was Laura and all Audrey could do was let Laura know that. But the worst part was that Laura had known Teresa, known her through One Eyed Jack’s. And still, she wouldn’t stop going out, seemed to be riskier than ever before.

One Friday during school, nearly a year after Teresa was killed, after cheerleading practice, Audrey knew Laura would be showering. That’s when she slipped in, unnoticed. She and Laura almost always met like that.

“Just kiss me,” Laura whispered to Audrey, clad in nothing but a tight white towel, barely covering anything at all. Audrey was almost distracted by Laura’s thighs alone.

“It does matter,” Audrey said, continuing an argument they’d been having for a while, “We’re in love,” she insisted.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Laura whispered, distress on her face and tears welling in her eyes. “Quit tryin’ to hold on so tight. I’m gone. Long gone.”

Audrey’s heart clenched at that. She loved Laura so much and she could physically feel Laura slipping away from her. Audrey placed a hand on the side of Laura’s face, trying not to cry as she watched Laura start to, and put her forehead against Laura’s.

“Don’t ever leave. Laura, don’t ever leave,” she pleaded, begged, but she knew that no one controlled Laura, not told her what to do. Not even Audrey. “I’ll never leave you.”

It was at that point that Laura surged up and kissed her, taking her hand from the side of her face and directing it lower down, down to her bare breast, knocking the towel away from her body. They kissed passionately, knowing it was about to lead to something not appropriate for school or even kids their age. Not even really for two girls to be doing together, but, as Audrey had said, they were in love. It didn’t matter to them.

When school was over that day, Audrey watched from a distance as Laura and Donna started to walk home and Bobby ran up to her, grabbing her roughly. Audrey knew that the beautiful homecoming queen Laura was dating the handsome bad boy quarterback Bobby in public, “for appearances,” Laura had assured, and for the drugs if Audrey was being honest, but that didn’t mean Audrey had to like it. She could be jealous all she wanted, knowing that Bobby was mad about where Laura had been for the past hour, but feeling a sense of smugness knowing Laura had been with her. He was angry, and Audrey could hear him shouting “who were you with?” across the courtyard.

Knowing Laura, and knowing the weird cryptic bullshit she was always spouting, Audrey knew just from the look on Laura’s face that she was saying something smartass-y to her begrudging boyfriend. Once, Laura had told Audrey that she was pretty sure that Bobby was seeing someone else too, so they were more than even. She’d also said Bobby was a loser, a goon. Not someone you bothered with past high school.

Audrey had to admit, she was surprised when she got a frantic phone call from Laura only a few hours later that evening.

“Can I come over?” Laura asked, voice shaking.

“I’ll come get you,” Audrey said, already slipping on shoes to go. She usually was driven around, something her father insisted on, but Audrey frequently took the car herself, knowing that her driver wouldn’t ever tell her father and her father was too busy to check himself.

In Audrey’s room, sitting on Audrey’s bed, Laura explained that pages of her diary had been ripped out.

“What?” Audrey was surprised, felt her face scrunch in confusion, “who would do something like that?”

“Bob!” Laura practically shouted.

Audrey had heard about Bob from Laura several times and it had always made her uncomfortable. She just sort of assumed that Bob was the cocaine talking but she had never wanted to argue with Laura because she knew that would really upset her.

“The diary was too well hidden, Audrey. There’s no one else who could have done it.”

“Are you sure?” was all Audrey could ask.

“Yes! Bob is _real_. He’s been having me since I was 12!”

Audrey’s stomach sank at that. She didn’t believe in Bob but the implications that _someone_ had been “having” Laura since she was 12 was horrific. She didn't know what to do about it. She just wanted to protect Laura, spirit her away from all the terrible things in life.

“He comes in through my window at night. He’s real. He’s getting to know me now. He speaks to me.”

“What does Bob say?” Audrey asked.

“He says he wants to be me or he’ll kill me.”

“No,” Audrey gasped out before she could stop herself.

“Yes!” Laura yelled, grabbing onto Audrey’s shirt, and in that instant, Audrey swore Laura’s face changed as she grit out the words “fire...walk...with...me.” But before Audrey could question it, Laura was crying, sobbing, crying into Audrey’s shirt.

“Can you hide my diary for me, Audrey? I can’t have it at my house anymore. He doesn’t know about you. You’ll be safe.”

Audrey swallowed against the lump in her throat as Laura pressed the little diary into her hand. They were both crying as Laura apologized, kissing Audrey’s forehead, her tears, her lips. In that moment, Audrey could almost forget about what they’d just talked about, with Laura’s fingers in her hair and the fervent, almost desperate kisses.

But then Laura broke away. “I have to go. I’ve got Meals on Wheels.”

Audrey wanted to protest, to tell Laura to fuck Meals on Wheels, that she did too much for only a high schooler, but Audrey knew Laura wouldn’t listen.

“I’ll take you there,” she said, instead, trying not to sound as disappointed as she felt.

At almost 9 pm, Audrey’s phone rang. She answered it skeptically, unsure who it might be.

“My father,” Laura gasped through tears, “my father!” then she hung up.

“What the hell?” Audrey asked herself and tried to call back. The line was busy. “What the _hell?_ ”

On Monday, Audrey had to watch from afar as Laura cried her way through the school day. No one in school could see Audrey talking to Laura so she had to stay away, had to wait it out while it killed her inside to see Laura coming apart. There was so clearly something going on with Laura and all she wanted to do was talk to her about it, be there to hold her and tell her it was okay. Instead, she watched her fall into Bobby’s arms, walk home with hI’m. So Audrey went home bitter and alone.

She couldn’t say she wasn’t upset about it. But Bobby was Laura’s boyfriend, the guy she dated for the looks of it, because they had been homecoming king and queen. So, later that night, finally talking herself down, she called Laura.

“What are you wearing?” Audrey asked, focusing on sex instead of on her feelings like she wanted to do.

Laura laughed, her voice rough. “A silky pink négligé piece,” she replied and Audrey could picture it. God that was hot.

“Can I see you?” Audrey asked.

Laura’s breath was labored and she sounded a little distant. Audrey didn’t want to assume what she might be doing. It was too much.

“Yeah, okay,” and the phone sounded like it had been dropped, “okay, I’ll meet you in 15 minutes.”

By the time Audrey pulled up to Laura’s house, Laura had climbed from her bedroom window down the trellis on the side of the house. She was wearing a black coat but her legs sticking out from under it were clad in stocking held up with garter belts. Audrey barely had time to imagine the pink lingerie before Laura was rushing into the car and urging Audrey to drive quickly.

Audrey drove them to a part of the woods they often went at night, for clandestine meetings, knowing it was where Laura would want to go. They walked a little ways, away from the car and road, before turning to Laura, searching Laura’s face.

“What’s going on with you?” she asked, no longer able to ignore her feelings.

“That’s right. There’s no places left to go, is there, Audrey?” Laura said, her eyes and face hazy.

“What does that mean?” Audrey asked, stomach sinking horribly. Laura wasn’t making any sense.

“You know it and I know it.”

“What’s wrong with us?” Audrey asked. “We have everything.” She was thinking about her dad’s hotel, Laura’s perfect apple pie life.

“Everything but everything,” Laura snapped back.

“Laura…” Audrey trailed off, concerned.

“ _Laura_ ,” Laura mocked back, getting this horrible look in her eyes.

Then, she slapped Audrey. Audrey couldn’t help the tears that welled up in her eyes at that.

“You always hurt the ones you love,” Audrey said, trying to control the tremor in her voice.

“You mean the ones you pity,” Laura said, sounding almost disgusted. Audrey was crying now.

“Say whatever you want. I know you love me. And I love you.”

Laura was quiet for a second, then she surged forward, her face landing in Audrey’s neck. Her mouth then traveled up, to Audrey’s mouth, to whisper.

“I do love you, Audrey,” she murmured against Audrey’s lips. “Let’s get lost together.”

And then Laura was kissing her and Audrey could hardly even remember the conversation they had just had. It was a hungry and desperate and feverish and mind-blowing kiss. But Laura stopped.

“ _Shit_!” she swore.

“What?”

“He might try to kill you,” Laura explained with a faraway look on her face.

“What? Who?”

Instead of answering, Laura let out a blood-curdling scream, her eyes moving to a place over Audrey’s shoulder. Audrey immediately went into fight-or-flight mode and ducked, checking behind her as she moved forward toward Laura. There was nothing behind her.

“What’s the matter, Laura?” Audrey felt desperate then. She needed an explanation, but Laura had been more sporadic than ever.

“Bobby killed a guy,” she said in almost a sing-song voice.

“What are you talking about? Bobby...didn’t kill anyone,” Audrey said, but she really wasn’t sure at that point. Wasn’t sure about Laura.

Laura was nodding, tears in her eyes. “Do you wanna see?”

audrey said nothing, stunned.

“Right,” Laura said softly, eyes drifting up to the treeline behind Audrey’s head. “You don’t even know me. There are things about me...Even Donna doesn’t know me.” Her eyes came back to Audrey’s face. “Your Laura disappeared.”

A shiver ran up Audrey’s spine at Laura’s words. Laura’s eyes went to the ground then, tears dropping from her eyes.

“It’s just me now,” Laura said as if that was an explanation.

“Laura…” Audrey tried, but Laura’s face was hard.

“What about this, Audrey?” she said, holding up her middle finger to Audrey.

Audrey was stunned into silence again, this whole encounter like emotional whiplash, just staring at Laura in the darkness. After a few beats, Laura spoke again.

“I think you want to take me home now.”

So, they got back into the car and started a silent drive home.

At a red light, as Audrey was slowing the car down, Laura flung the car door open and got out.

“Laura!” Audrey shouted, surprised, concerned.

“Don’t!” Laura shouted from the road.

Audrey didn’t have time to react before Laura crawled back in the car to hug Audrey’s neck tightly. “I love you, Audrey.” And then she was gone again, running into the woods. When the light turned green, Audrey sped away, not sure what else she could do.

She would have liked to say that wasn’t the last time she saw Laura alive, but it was.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to get this out for Twin Peaks day, especially on the 30th anniversary of Laura Palmer’s death. Very bittersweet I think. Didn’t quite make it on the east coast but since Twin Peaks is west coast I’d say it still counts. Apologies for the brevity of the chapter but it’s what I’ve got.

On February 24, 1989, Audrey showed up to school just like she always did. She changed her bowling shoes for sexy, red pumps at her locker and grabbed a cigarette to take a few puffs before first period. She made eye contact with Donna when Donna gave a little laugh at that. Audrey wasn’t sure how much Donna knew about Audrey and Laura’s relationship but Audrey touched Donna’s shoulder and she moved to class.

Something was definitely wrong when a sheriff’s deputy came into the classroom looking for Bobby Briggs. He asked to talk to their teacher for a second and whispered something softly to her.

“We’ll make an announcement shortly,” he explained.

Just then, a girl ran by the window screaming. Laura’s absence loomed large as their teacher’s eyes drifted to her empty seat. In the ensuing silence, Audrey heard Donna whisper Laura’s name and begin to cry. Audrey tried to keep herself together, holding back tears.

“There’ll be an announcement from the principal,” their teacher said, voice wavering.

Donna was openly sobbing then. Audrey couldn’t breathe. A group of girls moved around Donna, comforting her. All Audrey wanted to do was hold Laura close, but she couldn’t. She was so terribly, incredibly alone.Then, the principal came on over the PA system.

“I am deeply saddened to have to tell you that early this morning your classmate, Laura Palmer, was found dead. This is a terrible moment for all of us. For all of us who knew her: her friends, her family. It is very important that we all try to help each other through this difficult time. The police have asked me to ask each of you if you have any information about Laura’s activities after school yesterday or yesterday evening, please come forward. I am dismissing all classes for the day. But before we leave, I would like to ask each of you to join me in a moment of silence for Laura and her dear memory.”

Audrey knew she needed to go home...but she didn’t want to. What was she going to do without Laura? Oh right! Her father’s big presentation to the Norwegians about the Ghostwood project. She was hit with it immediately upon return to the Great Northern. She had been specifically instructed not to go in there and not to mention Laura. This was the perfect opportunity to do just that.

She knew what she looked like to older men, she knew her good looks would be a distraction. When the one man asked her if there was something wrong, she struck.

“They found my friend Laura, lying face down on a rocky beach, completely naked. She’d been murdered.” She hated the things she was saying, the things she was picturing, but she knew it would scare the Norwegians, ruin her father's plans. Anyway, she was crying as she said it.

Still, she watched with glee as the Norwegians immediately got up and started moving to their rooms to pack up and leave. She was delighted to hear the receptionist screaming about how the Norwegians were leaving and how her father was yelling about throwing away the opportunity of a lifetime. Good. At least something good could come out of this bullshit day. She was, arguably, much less excited to see her brother, with his limited cognitive abilities bang his head repeatedly when he couldn’t understand why Laura wasn’t coming to work with him. She just sat and stirred her tea as her mother yelled.

Later that night, despite the reminder of a curfew, Audrey got a phone call. It was Donna Hayward.

“Can we meet?” Donna asked.

“Why?”

“I know about you and Laura.”

Audrey’s heart stopped for a second. “I can come get you,” Audrey offered.

“Fifteen minutes,” Donna instructed.

Twin Peaks was small enough that everyone knew where everyone else lived, even if you weren’t friends. That’s just how it was. So, just like the night before, Audrey pulled her car up to Donna’s house and Donna had already climbed out of her window. She hopped into Audrey’s car but wasn’t in nearly as much a hurry as Laura. Just the thought of Laura then made Audrey’s stomach twist with grief and she was holding back tears. Despite her best efforts, a choked sob escaped her throat.

“I miss her too,” Donna said, patting her Audrey on the shoulder.

“I was with her last night,” Audrey admitted after a few moments of silence. “Do you think they’ll be looking for me?”

The thought hadn’t really occurred to her before that moment.

“I don’t know. I don’t think they know about you. I might be the only other person,” Donna admitted.

“I...I’m scared. I don’t really want to turn myself in. But I don’t even know anything. All I know is that she’d gotten herself mixed up in some things. She said ‘even Donna doesn’t know me.’”

“I think you’re right,” Donna said. “I saw some things the other night at the Roadhouse. I’m not sure how to feel about it still.”

“Maybe we should both lie low for a while,” Audrey suggested.

“I think you’re right. We should try not to be seen together. They’ve already questioned me. I don’t know if you’ll have much more to add.”

“Right,” Audrey said, looping back toward Donna’s house.

They were mostly silent after that, but things felt different in the dark silence. They had formed some kind of truce, maybe even a bond, in their respective grief.


End file.
